Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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