Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
