i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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