Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
