i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
