Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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