I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
