Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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