five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
