Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
