There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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