Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
