So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
