What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
