Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
