Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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