she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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