There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
