he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
