did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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