Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
