spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
