Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
