Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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