Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
