The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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