I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
