I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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