I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
