I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
