my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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