My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
