I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
