I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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