He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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