She announced her abortion via fbk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
