I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
