apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
