People in love make me want to vomit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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