Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Shame - the story of my life.
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