Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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