just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
