I skipped work to stalk him.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
