4 words: hood of his car
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
