do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
