I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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