I don't think brook has ever known best
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
