laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
