she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
oh god the rape fog is back!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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