Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
