Farmville is her only friend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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