2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
