You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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