Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
